What a wonderful world.

Megan Fox has caught a heck of a lot of heat over her statements about Wonder Woman. Well, I have to be honest. I don’t like Wonder Woman much either. Oh, I love what the character stands for—three cheers for girl power and all that jazz. I’ve worn the t-shirt, placed a plastic tiara on my head at a jauntily askew angle, and I’ve even tried the famous twirl. But read the comic? Nah, son. Not interested. Diana is boring.

I’ve tried to figure out why I find this character so dull. It certainly isn’t because of the creative teams who have worked on Wonder Woman. The comic series has had a host of talented writers and artists creating stories about the character. Heck, the series has a talented writer and artist working on it right now. I know this because I’ve seen and thoroughly enjoyed their work on other books. And yet…Diana is still boring. But you know who isn’t boring?

Xena: Warrior Princess

Who know who isn’t boring either?

Power Girl

So, what gives? I’ll tell you. But anyone working at DC should ignore this and any other complaints that any person may have about Wonder Woman since the company sells a perfectly good number of Wonder Woman comics each month and there is no reason to go changing the status quo just because a few people aren’t digging a certain character. After all, I love Batman, and that’s all that matters.

To me, Diana is boring because she is the perfect politician. Diligent. Reasonable. Even-tempered. Elegant. Prudent. Wise. She is an ambassador that the citizens of any realm would be proud to send out into the world to represent them. And that’s lovely. And that’s also something I have no interest in reading about. I find it dull.

I want to read about a character that’s a warrior and an explorer, not an ambassador and soldier. I want to read about a character that is gregarious and a bit wild—a character that wants to sample all of the delights that new worlds have to offer. I want Ares with tits. I want a Viking with a uterus. Damn it, this is an Amazon, people!

And this is why DC cannot and should not give me the Wonder Woman that I want to read about. That Wonder Woman loves battles and sisterhood and wine and sex. She comes from a land where the women are more like boisterous Roman gladiators than eloquent Roman senators. That character can’t sell t-shirts to little girls.

No one reading Wonder Woman right now wants to see Wonder Woman roping Power Girl into a wild night on the town, or gleefully leaping into the fray, or loudly proclaiming Batman to be nearly as dull and as pompous as Odysseus. I am the only person who would like that. And you shouldn’t go around changing cultural icons anyway.

So now what? Absolutely nothing. Over thirty thousand people are picking up Wonder Woman each month. They’re happy. Isn’t that enough for the bottom line?